5 Skills That Help You Negotiate With Confidence

Why Negotiation Is a Skill Anyone Can Learn

Most people believe that great negotiators are born, not made. They picture a sharp-suited dealmaker in a boardroom, naturally charming and unshakeable under pressure. But according to John Richardson and Attia Qureshi, authors of Never Settle: Persuasion and Negotiation Skills to Get What You Want, that idea couldn't be further from the truth.

Richardson, who teaches negotiation at MIT's Sloan School of Management and previously at Harvard Law School, and Qureshi, founder of AQ Consulting and an adjunct professor at the University of Michigan's Ford School of Public Policy, have spent decades helping individuals and organizations master the art of negotiation. Their collective insight is refreshingly direct: negotiation is a learnable skill, and with deliberate practice, anyone can improve.

Whether you're asking for a raise, navigating a conflict with a colleague, closing a business deal, or simply trying to get a better rate on your cable bill, these five skills will help you walk into any negotiation with clarity and confidence.

1. Treat Negotiation Like an Athletic Skill

One of the most transformative ideas in Never Settle is reframing how you think about negotiation itself. Richardson and Qureshi argue that becoming a great negotiator is no different from becoming a great musician or a competitive athlete. It requires breaking the skill down into its smallest components and practicing each one deliberately.

Elite athletes don't just show up and play games — they drill specific movements over and over in low-pressure environments until those movements become instinctive. The same principle applies to negotiation. If you wait until a high-stakes salary negotiation to practice your skills, you're setting yourself up to feel unprepared and anxious. Instead, look for everyday low-stakes opportunities to build your negotiating muscles: haggling at a farmers market, pushing back on a service fee, or advocating for your preferences during a group decision.

The goal is to make negotiation feel normal, not exceptional. The more you practice in small moments, the more natural it becomes in the big ones.

2. Understand What the Other Side Actually Wants

A common mistake in negotiation is focusing entirely on your own position — what you want and how much you're willing to settle for. But effective negotiators invest just as much energy in understanding the interests and motivations of the person sitting across from them.

This approach, deeply rooted in the frameworks developed at the Harvard Negotiation Project (where Richardson was an associate), shifts the dynamic from adversarial to collaborative. When you understand what the other party truly values — not just their stated position — you can find creative solutions that satisfy both sides. Often, what looks like an impasse is actually a misalignment of priorities that can be resolved once real interests are on the table.

Before any negotiation, ask yourself: What does this person need to walk away feeling good about this outcome? What pressures are they under? What would a win look like for them? The answers to these questions are some of your most powerful negotiating tools.

3. Master the Art of Asking Questions

Strong negotiators are not necessarily the most persuasive talkers — they are often the most skillful listeners. And the bridge between talking and listening is asking the right questions.

Open-ended questions invite the other party to share more information, reveal their priorities, and sometimes even talk themselves into a better deal for you. Questions like "What would make this work for you?" or "Can you help me understand what's driving that constraint?" create space for dialogue rather than confrontation.

Equally important is resisting the urge to fill silence. After asking a question, many negotiators nervously jump in to elaborate or soften what they've said. Silence, however, is often your ally. It signals confidence and gives the other party room to respond more fully. Practice sitting with a pause — it's more powerful than most people realize.

4. Build and Use Your BATNA

Your BATNA — Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement — is arguably the most important concept in modern negotiation theory, and it's one Richardson helped popularize through his collaboration with legendary negotiation scholar Roger Fisher on books like Getting It Done.

Your BATNA is what you'll do if the negotiation fails entirely. The stronger your alternative, the more leverage you have — and the more confidently you can negotiate. Someone who desperately needs this deal to work will almost always make unnecessary concessions. Someone with a solid backup plan can hold firm, walk away when needed, and negotiate from a position of genuine strength.

Before any significant negotiation, spend time deliberately strengthening your alternatives. Apply to multiple jobs before negotiating an offer. Get competing quotes before agreeing to a vendor contract. The work you do outside the negotiation room is often what determines your success inside it.

5. Manage Your Emotions — Without Suppressing Them

Negotiation can be emotionally charged. Whether it's frustration when the other side won't budge, anxiety about asking for what you deserve, or excitement that causes you to move too quickly — emotions play a central role in every negotiation. Qureshi's work in conflict resolution, including her experience working with the U.S. State Department in conflict zones, underscores how critical emotional intelligence is at the negotiating table.

The goal isn't to become emotionally detached or robotic. It's to develop awareness of what you're feeling, understand how it's influencing your behavior, and make intentional choices rather than reactive ones. When emotions run high, slow down. Take a break if you need to. Name what's happening internally so it has less power over your actions.

At the same time, emotions can be strategic assets when used thoughtfully. Expressing genuine enthusiasm builds rapport. Showing measured disappointment can shift the other party's position. The key is intentionality: use emotions to inform and guide, not to derail.

Start Practicing Today

The most important takeaway from Richardson and Qureshi's work is this: you don't need to be naturally gifted to negotiate well. You need to be willing to practice. Start small, stay curious about the other side, ask more than you tell, know your alternatives, and develop emotional self-awareness.

Negotiation isn't just for boardrooms and contract signings. It's a life skill that shows up in every relationship, every workplace, and every corner of daily life. The sooner you start treating it as something you can improve — rather than something you either have or don't — the faster your confidence will grow.

For a deeper dive into these strategies and more, pick up a copy of Never Settle: Persuasion and Negotiation Skills to Get What You Want by John Richardson and Attia Qureshi, and start negotiating with the confidence you deserve.